I have a family of one, myself. However, for reasons of shared past and other things, I've long been closer to my sister -- a fair degree to a lot closer on serious issues -- than to any of my brothers. And, I consider my brother-in-law somewhat the brother I never had.
They moved to one part of central Texas about the same time I moved to an area less than 150 miles away. Then, 7 months later, I moved to just about 35 miles away. So, for almost two full years, I was over at their place (my small town had nothing special to attract them here) about every Saturday, and occasionally on a weekday.
I've often called my niece and nephew, their kids, the kids I'll never have. Without pontificating, I gave my niece a "growing up" letter in her card, and long with gifts, as she became a teen earlier this year. And my nephew? I've tried to have fun with him, including teasing while hoping I've not been overdoing things.
And now they're gone.
They moved a week ago to Arizona.
In some areas, I wasn't tremendously close. Matters religious vs secular, of course. But, they never preached at me, and in fact, my brother-in-law, a minister, gently tried to deflect a few probing comments by my nephew, 9, over the last months. And, while they're overall conservative, they don't trend from partway to fully wingnut, unlike my brothers.
It will probably take a week or to, especially a couple of Saturdays of trips over to where they lived, where I'll still do some bigger-city shopping, bigger-city library usage and more, then realizing that ... "oh, it's time to head back home" and it's not "let's drop by for dinner," or "what are you doing this afternoon" to all sink in.
Having their presence nearby, in a small town that's not just a small town, but a still-shrinking one, with a high rate of rural poverty and a fair degree of parochialism, and stresses over my job here in the newspaper biz, an industry that I still can't get out of, was a bit of soothing, a bit of destressing. And I don't have that any more.
So, it probably will take a few weeks to sink in. A couple of Saturdays.
That will probably include the realization that, on my end, even to the degree I compartmentalize my life, I didn't talk to them on some serious things as much as I could have.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
A little DABDA
A little
DABDA
A little
DABDA will do ya,
Or so, the
grieving are told.
But there’s
no right way, or wrong way, to mourn
Even if
there are more common, and less common, ways.
Sometimes,
loss doesn’t involve denial.
A death, a
divorce, or similar, has been long anticipated.
Likewise for
anger; it’s been wrestled with
And
exhausted,
Before the
loss.
Likewise for
bargaining.
Depression?
More common, and more normal,
Even before
acceptance, which may never fully come for some.
Sometimes,
they overlap.
Emotions,
after all, aren’t discrete.
Sometimes,
one emotion is experienced
Two or more
times, even if others aren’t.
And maybe,
just maybe
A little
DABDA will do ya,
For things
besides loss.
Like
depression, even if it’s a “D” itself.
Or anxiety.
Don’t we
deny our own emotions at times,
Or longer
moods,
Or more
complex psychological states?
Of course,
especially if there’s reason for us to do that.
Don’t we get
angry at being depressed,
Or
frustrated at being anxious?
Yes.
Unfortunately,
bargaining aside,
Depression
or anger don’t fully disappear.
A little
DABDA
A little
DABDA will do ya,
Or so, the
grieving are told.
But there’s
no right way, or wrong way, to mourn
Even if
there are more common, and less common, ways.
Sometimes,
loss doesn’t involve denial.
A death, a
divorce, or similar, has been long anticipated.
Likewise for
anger; it’s been wrestled with
And
exhausted,
Before the
loss.
Likewise for
bargaining.
Depression?
More common, and more normal,
Even before
acceptance, which may never fully come for some.
Sometimes,
they overlap.
Emotions,
after all, aren’t discrete.
Sometimes,
one emotion is experienced
Two or more
times, even if others aren’t.
And maybe,
just maybe
A little
DABDA will do ya,
For things
besides loss.
Like
depression, even if it’s a “D” itself.
Or anxiety.
Don’t we
deny our own emotions at times,
Or longer
moods,
Or more
complex psychological states?
Of course,
especially if there’s reason for us to do that.
Don’t we get
angry at being depressed,
Or
frustrated at being anxious?
Yes.
Unfortunately,
bargaining aside,
Depression
or anger don’t fully disappear.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Anger .... why do I want to deny it?
I didn't get a job I was hoping to get.
And, here's why, if I try to put numbers on it.
Overall, my estimate is that is was about 40 percent no "fault" anywhere, 40 percent age discrimination, even if primarily unintentional or subconscious, and 20 percent bad interviewing. I felt a good rapport with my interviewer. But, as noted, "social media" is at the top 1/4 of the first page of my resume. And, I was never asked detailed questions about social media; in fact, I don't recall really being asked at all about it. Some, something, somehow, is kind of rotten in the state of Austin.
And, yet, I'm trying to defend an interviewer who seemed like a "good guy," while the numbers say that it was more than 50 percent his fault that I didn't get the job.
And, I want to say that I was shown courtesies during the interview process. At the same time, I've been shown courtesies during other interview processes that were even more "formulaic," at best.
So, I am not ready to deny my anger, tamp it down, or mingle it with other emotions to subsume it under "frustration."
NO, I'm angry.
I think I was somewhat mistreated in a job interview. I think I was likely the best candidate for the position. And, I wasn't given the full opportunity to show that, in my opinion.
And, part of the somewhat mistreated, even with the courtesies, feels like I was "used" a bit. I may be at a point in my life in general and recovery life in particular where I'm sensitive, even a bit over-sensitive, to that. But, that's better than not recognizing that I've been used until 6 months, or 6 years, after the fact.
I have a right to be angry about something like that. And I shouldn't hide that from anyone, above all not from myself.
And, here's why, if I try to put numbers on it.
Overall, my estimate is that is was about 40 percent no "fault" anywhere, 40 percent age discrimination, even if primarily unintentional or subconscious, and 20 percent bad interviewing. I felt a good rapport with my interviewer. But, as noted, "social media" is at the top 1/4 of the first page of my resume. And, I was never asked detailed questions about social media; in fact, I don't recall really being asked at all about it. Some, something, somehow, is kind of rotten in the state of Austin.
And, yet, I'm trying to defend an interviewer who seemed like a "good guy," while the numbers say that it was more than 50 percent his fault that I didn't get the job.
And, I want to say that I was shown courtesies during the interview process. At the same time, I've been shown courtesies during other interview processes that were even more "formulaic," at best.
So, I am not ready to deny my anger, tamp it down, or mingle it with other emotions to subsume it under "frustration."
NO, I'm angry.
I think I was somewhat mistreated in a job interview. I think I was likely the best candidate for the position. And, I wasn't given the full opportunity to show that, in my opinion.
And, part of the somewhat mistreated, even with the courtesies, feels like I was "used" a bit. I may be at a point in my life in general and recovery life in particular where I'm sensitive, even a bit over-sensitive, to that. But, that's better than not recognizing that I've been used until 6 months, or 6 years, after the fact.
I have a right to be angry about something like that. And I shouldn't hide that from anyone, above all not from myself.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Moving on on sobriety support
I'm planning on not running for re-election to the board of directors of the secular sobriety support organization where I've served the last few years.
And, I'm glad, for several reasons.
First, to the degree that the alpha-beta (and gamma!) theory of human social structure is true (hint: it's not all that true among wolf packs, let alone among humans), I'm a gamma. I'm not a real leader, but I'm not a real follower, either. Give me a basic sense of security and structure, or the possibility thereof, and I'm marching to my own drum.
Second, a recent board change wound up changing larger board dynamics. That said, the one changed board member has decided not to run for a full term. But, that person triggered other dynamics, other dominoes within the board, that don't totally float my boat either.
I've now returned fire in what could be a developing email argument. I won't disclose confidences, and I don't know if I would stand up as well to this person in person, but I don't like bullies, male or female. (And, yes, there are female bullies too, including some who bully men; that's why there's women who commit domestic violence.)
Beyond that, I feel on an island. To get to an annual convention, I'd have to drive 2.5 hours to an airport in a major city, and even then, nonstop flights are becoming more limited, or else drive 30 miles to the nearest airport and take a puddle-jumper to the big city. And even the big city flights have ... well, they've skyrocketed since I last flew anywhere three years ago.
Finally, with job-related stresses (the largest single advertiser at the two small newspapers where I am publisher, a local grocery story, sold out to a chain last year, hitting our bottom line a sharp ding), I don't need the stress of the changing board dynamics.
That said, I've learned some things about group dynamics. That includes noting that the person I perceive as a bully decided not to run again after I made my announcement.
I've also learned that, per the old phrase that "to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs," that doesn't mean that you have to break them with undue force, or spatter them.
And, I'm glad, for several reasons.
First, to the degree that the alpha-beta (and gamma!) theory of human social structure is true (hint: it's not all that true among wolf packs, let alone among humans), I'm a gamma. I'm not a real leader, but I'm not a real follower, either. Give me a basic sense of security and structure, or the possibility thereof, and I'm marching to my own drum.
Second, a recent board change wound up changing larger board dynamics. That said, the one changed board member has decided not to run for a full term. But, that person triggered other dynamics, other dominoes within the board, that don't totally float my boat either.
I've now returned fire in what could be a developing email argument. I won't disclose confidences, and I don't know if I would stand up as well to this person in person, but I don't like bullies, male or female. (And, yes, there are female bullies too, including some who bully men; that's why there's women who commit domestic violence.)
Beyond that, I feel on an island. To get to an annual convention, I'd have to drive 2.5 hours to an airport in a major city, and even then, nonstop flights are becoming more limited, or else drive 30 miles to the nearest airport and take a puddle-jumper to the big city. And even the big city flights have ... well, they've skyrocketed since I last flew anywhere three years ago.
Finally, with job-related stresses (the largest single advertiser at the two small newspapers where I am publisher, a local grocery story, sold out to a chain last year, hitting our bottom line a sharp ding), I don't need the stress of the changing board dynamics.
That said, I've learned some things about group dynamics. That includes noting that the person I perceive as a bully decided not to run again after I made my announcement.
I've also learned that, per the old phrase that "to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs," that doesn't mean that you have to break them with undue force, or spatter them.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Ready for new growth at 50
A long-time sobriety friend of mine recently sent me a long email in response to one of mine. She talked about second winds of personal growth, often years after the first one. (She, too, is a "survivor.")
It sounds a bit new agey at times, but she talked about "saying yes" to more things in life as part of "letting go." I could stand some additional inner change, and inner steel. And, I wouldn't mind better outside "scenery" while I'm at it.
Worrying over finances at two struggling small newspapers, in a part of the world where I don't want to live, doesn't help a lot.
And, I know I've got issues inside, still.
Brother No. 3 recently wrote talking about his own anxiety issues over the years. I partially empathize, but partially not. In his own way, he's never taken more responsibility than Brother No. 1, even if not arrogant about it, and even if sinned against as well as sinning.
Speaking of, I cried when one of the survivors was talking during the "Secrets of the Vatican" on PBS tonight. I probably have more tears yet inside of me, somewhere. I'm realizing more and more the depth of problems in my family and, going back generations, while I know a fair amount about multi-generational problems on my dad's side of the family, suspect that not all of my mom's adult problems, or close, can be pinned solely on problems with her relationship to dad.
I would so love to curl up in a ball at times.
Meanwhile, part of me is glad that I stayed by my internal childhood vow to myself, with an intuition of an "old soul," not to marry. I didn't "pass on" anything to kids. Nor to a spouse. Nor did I leave myself open to manipulation by one.
It sounds a bit new agey at times, but she talked about "saying yes" to more things in life as part of "letting go." I could stand some additional inner change, and inner steel. And, I wouldn't mind better outside "scenery" while I'm at it.
Worrying over finances at two struggling small newspapers, in a part of the world where I don't want to live, doesn't help a lot.
And, I know I've got issues inside, still.
Brother No. 3 recently wrote talking about his own anxiety issues over the years. I partially empathize, but partially not. In his own way, he's never taken more responsibility than Brother No. 1, even if not arrogant about it, and even if sinned against as well as sinning.
Speaking of, I cried when one of the survivors was talking during the "Secrets of the Vatican" on PBS tonight. I probably have more tears yet inside of me, somewhere. I'm realizing more and more the depth of problems in my family and, going back generations, while I know a fair amount about multi-generational problems on my dad's side of the family, suspect that not all of my mom's adult problems, or close, can be pinned solely on problems with her relationship to dad.
I would so love to curl up in a ball at times.
Meanwhile, part of me is glad that I stayed by my internal childhood vow to myself, with an intuition of an "old soul," not to marry. I didn't "pass on" anything to kids. Nor to a spouse. Nor did I leave myself open to manipulation by one.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Being single: The plus side
Yes, it can get lonely in a household of one.
And, yes, not all marriages are bad. But very few are so "sanctified" that there's almost no argumentation, at least of high levels, almost no disagreements on parenting issues, and, especially in today's world, how to juggle different career demands of two spouses, especially on issues like moves and relocations. And, beyond marriages, and children, the career and "sanctification" issues apply to non-marital longer-term relationships of other sorts.
I'm sure that part of why I don't handle criticism so well is I got so much of it, in different ways, from dear old dad, even though I was a second shot at an oldest son in some ways.
And, I know the reason I don't handle argumentation well, whether in an intimate relationship, other relationship, or even more casual connection, is how much of it I heard between mom and dad late at night.
It's probably kind of late to learn too much improvement in the intimate relationship side. And, as I've said before, it's "safer" being single.
Besides no worries about argumentation or yelling, there's no worried about being controlled or guilt tripped. Nor any eggshell feelings that I might be doing those things accidentally myself. And, sexuality issues aren't a worry, either. Yes, I still have hormones, but, should those hormones get satisfied again, I'd be more comfortable with them being satisfied in a less confining? tense? challenging? situation.
Add in a family disposition to anxiety (albeit not nearly as bad as Atlantic editor Scott Stossel's gut-wrenching affliction), and being single is safer.
I'd just like to get to a job/career situation, and location, where I'm ready to settle down, and get a dog. Sorry, not a cat. Beyond mild allergies to cats? They're too independent-minded, and don't have deep brown doggy eyes.
And, yes, not all marriages are bad. But very few are so "sanctified" that there's almost no argumentation, at least of high levels, almost no disagreements on parenting issues, and, especially in today's world, how to juggle different career demands of two spouses, especially on issues like moves and relocations. And, beyond marriages, and children, the career and "sanctification" issues apply to non-marital longer-term relationships of other sorts.
I'm sure that part of why I don't handle criticism so well is I got so much of it, in different ways, from dear old dad, even though I was a second shot at an oldest son in some ways.
And, I know the reason I don't handle argumentation well, whether in an intimate relationship, other relationship, or even more casual connection, is how much of it I heard between mom and dad late at night.
It's probably kind of late to learn too much improvement in the intimate relationship side. And, as I've said before, it's "safer" being single.
Besides no worries about argumentation or yelling, there's no worried about being controlled or guilt tripped. Nor any eggshell feelings that I might be doing those things accidentally myself. And, sexuality issues aren't a worry, either. Yes, I still have hormones, but, should those hormones get satisfied again, I'd be more comfortable with them being satisfied in a less confining? tense? challenging? situation.
Add in a family disposition to anxiety (albeit not nearly as bad as Atlantic editor Scott Stossel's gut-wrenching affliction), and being single is safer.
I'd just like to get to a job/career situation, and location, where I'm ready to settle down, and get a dog. Sorry, not a cat. Beyond mild allergies to cats? They're too independent-minded, and don't have deep brown doggy eyes.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Feeling empty, feeling scared, feeling a fraud
The "fraud" part? About a month ago, a woman came in our office. A customer. Used the n-word before she left. I said nothing. Yes, it was in part shock. But, I had recovered before she walked out the door. And I said nothing.
The scared? Ad sales at the two small newspapers are struggling this month. National trade mags predict total newspaper ad sales will drop 8 percent this year. That, presumably includes allowances for election ads. And, for the few newspapers holding their own or growing because of oil boom growth or other things, a few others will thus have drops of more than 8 percent.
When the Saturday Waco paper is normally just 20 percent ads, you know it's not just me, and it's not just Loren. It's this area. But, that will be called an excuse.
Feeling empty? No, I don't feel I can talk to my district boss about this. Nor any family, for various reasons. Certainly not the other two people in the office.
This isn't meant to be playing the martyr, hand to back of head. It just is what it is.
The 50s are starting out to be a wonderful decade of aging.
I recently journaled that I sometimes feel like someone whose shit does indeed stink, and stinks very much, in relations to other people. That they know that, that I should know why, but that I'm somehow missing a clue while they're laughing at me.
The scared? Ad sales at the two small newspapers are struggling this month. National trade mags predict total newspaper ad sales will drop 8 percent this year. That, presumably includes allowances for election ads. And, for the few newspapers holding their own or growing because of oil boom growth or other things, a few others will thus have drops of more than 8 percent.
When the Saturday Waco paper is normally just 20 percent ads, you know it's not just me, and it's not just Loren. It's this area. But, that will be called an excuse.
Feeling empty? No, I don't feel I can talk to my district boss about this. Nor any family, for various reasons. Certainly not the other two people in the office.
This isn't meant to be playing the martyr, hand to back of head. It just is what it is.
The 50s are starting out to be a wonderful decade of aging.
I recently journaled that I sometimes feel like someone whose shit does indeed stink, and stinks very much, in relations to other people. That they know that, that I should know why, but that I'm somehow missing a clue while they're laughing at me.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
I am a negative person
I heard someone say this in AA after I had been sober about three months. I didn't get what she meant. She sounded to me like a reasonably optimistic person.
Anyway, after I had moved, and then moved on into the world of secular sobriety, a couple of years later, I thought again about her comments and took them as just some version of AA-speak, or part of AA's hair shirt.
However, in the last week, I've revisited that comment in my mind. Several factors have led to that.
First, although I still have gainful employment and keep body knit together, etc., the employment world has not been kind over the last five years.
It was nearly five years ago that I first got the real impression that my then-newspaper employer could go under. When some pundits were saying what eventually would be called The Great Recession was worse than the Carter-Reagan recession, I said no it's not. Technically, I was right at the moment. In reality, it did indeed turn out worse in the longer run.
My newspaper company eventually did go belly-up in July 2009, after months of struggles, along with public denials on my part as well as our owner and publisher. (Turns out, in the particular Dallas suburb where we were officed, rumors of our demise, and specific financial problems, had been running around for a few months before that.)
I was worried ... mid-40s, economy not good, newspaper industry in the tank in general, and the Dallas Morning News and Fort Worth Star-Telegram having already canned a number of people. Maybe, in part due to having anxiety issues bad enough two years earlier that I went on anti-depressants, I was worried that something similar would arise again.
So, when I landed a job as a copy editor in Odessa, I knew I would take it. Then, they found out I had blogged about the demise of my suburban Dallas papers, and the attempt to do a start-up to replace it, and how I mentioned some financials as part of that blog post. Top two editors at Odessa grilled me about that, and I did an honest tap dance and kept the job.
Then, I feel depressed driving from Dallas, especially when I get past Sweetwater and descend into the Permian Basin. And it gets worse.
I get to Odessa the day the Odessa American's parent, Freedom Communications, declares Chapter 11. Yes, sobriety friends tell me that's not necessarily the end of the world. But, I can't be sure of that. Add in an assistant news editor who could ride roughshod over people at times, and did, and ... it was very bumpy my first six months there.
Then, the latest oil boom is making rental prices skyrocket, so I look to get out. And do, soon enough.
To Marble Falls, a Texas Hill Country town an hour west of Austin.
More fun ensues. My boss text messages me on the day I arrive, treating me like I'm 21 and texting me about proper dress code. Things went generally downhill from there.
And, I got out, with a bit of a pay cut, to a small weekly. Then, I advance to become publisher of the larger weekly in the same county the parent company owns, along with that one. I do well on the editorial side, while learning the ropes on the financial side. That includes having some slow times on the financial side, making a mistake or two on decisions, and having people now breathing down my neck.
And, still being unable to land a job outside the newspaper industry, or a better job within, and determined not to jump again from frying pan to fire.
Negative as in seeing darkness in my economic future? Absolutely. Negative in letting some of that, at least, spill into the rest of my life? Certainly.
I'll likely be negative for most of the next decade, until I'm within the last decade of the Social Security "finish line," assuming our political leaders don't shift the goalposts on that again, as far as retirement age.
And, this is why I can't stand New Ageism's brightsidedness, nor Christian success gospel talk either. And, some of us have temperamental leanings by genetics, reinforced by early, middle, or late life experiences, to see life non-optimistically at times.
I hope I can just be "reasonably negative," rather than fully so.
Anyway, after I had moved, and then moved on into the world of secular sobriety, a couple of years later, I thought again about her comments and took them as just some version of AA-speak, or part of AA's hair shirt.
However, in the last week, I've revisited that comment in my mind. Several factors have led to that.
First, although I still have gainful employment and keep body knit together, etc., the employment world has not been kind over the last five years.
It was nearly five years ago that I first got the real impression that my then-newspaper employer could go under. When some pundits were saying what eventually would be called The Great Recession was worse than the Carter-Reagan recession, I said no it's not. Technically, I was right at the moment. In reality, it did indeed turn out worse in the longer run.
My newspaper company eventually did go belly-up in July 2009, after months of struggles, along with public denials on my part as well as our owner and publisher. (Turns out, in the particular Dallas suburb where we were officed, rumors of our demise, and specific financial problems, had been running around for a few months before that.)
I was worried ... mid-40s, economy not good, newspaper industry in the tank in general, and the Dallas Morning News and Fort Worth Star-Telegram having already canned a number of people. Maybe, in part due to having anxiety issues bad enough two years earlier that I went on anti-depressants, I was worried that something similar would arise again.
So, when I landed a job as a copy editor in Odessa, I knew I would take it. Then, they found out I had blogged about the demise of my suburban Dallas papers, and the attempt to do a start-up to replace it, and how I mentioned some financials as part of that blog post. Top two editors at Odessa grilled me about that, and I did an honest tap dance and kept the job.
Then, I feel depressed driving from Dallas, especially when I get past Sweetwater and descend into the Permian Basin. And it gets worse.
I get to Odessa the day the Odessa American's parent, Freedom Communications, declares Chapter 11. Yes, sobriety friends tell me that's not necessarily the end of the world. But, I can't be sure of that. Add in an assistant news editor who could ride roughshod over people at times, and did, and ... it was very bumpy my first six months there.
Then, the latest oil boom is making rental prices skyrocket, so I look to get out. And do, soon enough.
To Marble Falls, a Texas Hill Country town an hour west of Austin.
More fun ensues. My boss text messages me on the day I arrive, treating me like I'm 21 and texting me about proper dress code. Things went generally downhill from there.
And, I got out, with a bit of a pay cut, to a small weekly. Then, I advance to become publisher of the larger weekly in the same county the parent company owns, along with that one. I do well on the editorial side, while learning the ropes on the financial side. That includes having some slow times on the financial side, making a mistake or two on decisions, and having people now breathing down my neck.
And, still being unable to land a job outside the newspaper industry, or a better job within, and determined not to jump again from frying pan to fire.
Negative as in seeing darkness in my economic future? Absolutely. Negative in letting some of that, at least, spill into the rest of my life? Certainly.
I'll likely be negative for most of the next decade, until I'm within the last decade of the Social Security "finish line," assuming our political leaders don't shift the goalposts on that again, as far as retirement age.
And, this is why I can't stand New Ageism's brightsidedness, nor Christian success gospel talk either. And, some of us have temperamental leanings by genetics, reinforced by early, middle, or late life experiences, to see life non-optimistically at times.
I hope I can just be "reasonably negative," rather than fully so.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Don't Forgive
DON'T FORGIVE
Don't forgive
Be angry.
You were hurt
And toyed with
Maipulated and domineered.
Don't forgive that.
And don't forgive
Any person who did that
As long as they
Remain unforgiveable.
Don't forgive
And don't forget
Until you're ready to.
And then,
Dunk his head
Into oblivion.
Give him that
Over and over again
As often as you need,
As often as his memory needs.
Drown him,
As dead as you are
As long as he remains unforgiveable.
And drown his accomplices
And his abettors
And his deniers
Just as much.
Don't forgive
Be angry.
You were hurt
And toyed with
Maipulated and domineered.
Don't forgive that.
And don't forgive
Any person who did that
As long as they
Remain unforgiveable.
Don't forgive
And don't forget
Until you're ready to.
And then,
Dunk his head
Into oblivion.
Give him that
Over and over again
As often as you need,
As often as his memory needs.
Drown him,
As dead as you are
As long as he remains unforgiveable.
And drown his accomplices
And his abettors
And his deniers
Just as much.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
No, you don't "Have to" forgive
Besides things like higher powers, as I got more sobriety time and
moved back to my previous "non-metaphysical stances," this AA idea, also
perpetuated by some people outside of AA, that you "have to" forgive
people became ever more grating.
Insulting, even.
If you, like I, am a survivor of some sort of personal trauma, you know exactly where I'm coming from.
Well, you don't "have to" forgive and you don't have to feel that you should, or that there's something wrong with you if you don't.
Here's a great piece about that. Your mileage may vary.
Insulting, even.
If you, like I, am a survivor of some sort of personal trauma, you know exactly where I'm coming from.
Well, you don't "have to" forgive and you don't have to feel that you should, or that there's something wrong with you if you don't.
Here's a great piece about that. Your mileage may vary.
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