Sobriety groups are recovery groups, too

Two things on my mind tonight.

First?

It hurts me, angers me and scares me when people "go back out," and it's because they've either not reached out, whether to other sober people, or to a counselor, especially if they have depression or other mental health needs, OR, it's because they've let an anger, a resentment, eat at them. And, I'll be selfish enough to say I want it to scare me.

Second, is that I'm a bit of a resentment mode myself, not about someone in a sobriety group, but, in another group. I know part of the anger is based on my perceptions, and part of it's based on my reactions to how this person reminds me of two males from my childhood. That said, I feel confident in saying that it's not "just" my perception, or my perception plus my personal history. I really think this person has a couple of issues. And, as part of my growth, rather than "detaching" in a way that feels like passivity to me, I need to do something else. I'm not sure what it is, but, I'm groping in that direction.

Online friends, complications, distancing and loss

The last time I blogged here, it was about "fallout" from some changes in an online sobriety support chat room where I've had various degrees of activity for several years.

Looks like another friend may be lost due to that — although I had multiple observations about this person even before the dust-up, to be honest.

Anyway, it looks like a friendship with XXX really is on ice. Friday morning, I noticed AAA and BBB had both friended XXX on Facebook, even though heshe had said in the past s/he didn’t do that. So, I sent himer a friend request query, noting himer's former policy and asking if s/he had possibly changed it, especially not being in the chat so much now, without saying I had noticed s/he had friended others.

The answer would appear to be a definite no. First, XXX appears in chat Friday night with a bit of “sniping,” and, while none of it was directly focused at me, heshe didn’t go out of her way to be friendly, either.

Then, looking at FB later, I noticed that, while in chat or about that time, s/he friended Kathy B. But not me.

Some part of me WANTS revenge, or grudge-holding. Another part says, detach. A third part (that’s why there’s never just two sides to anything) says I want confrontation, but not (necessarily) grudge-holding. I’m a bit sad. I’m a bit angry.

I don’t want to be too much more of either. Well, even that isn’t entirely true. Some part of me wants to wallow. But not a lot. Some part of me wants to blow up. Some part of me wants to be snide, or "sniping," back.

Update, April 13: Call it a bit of spite, a bit of revenge, a bit of righteous and/or non-righteous anger, a bit of pride, or a mix of several or all of the above...

But, I found out today, after checking (and it makes sense) that one can withdraw, retract Facebook friending requests. And I have done so.