Being single: The plus side

Yes, it can get lonely in a household of one.

And, yes, not all marriages are bad. But very few are so "sanctified" that there's almost no argumentation, at least of high levels, almost no disagreements on parenting issues, and, especially in today's world, how to juggle different career demands of two spouses, especially on issues like moves and relocations. And, beyond marriages, and children, the career and "sanctification" issues apply to non-marital longer-term relationships of other sorts.

I'm sure that part of why I don't handle criticism so well is I got so much of it, in different ways, from dear old dad, even though I was a second shot at an oldest son in some ways.

And, I know the reason I don't handle argumentation well, whether in an intimate relationship, other relationship, or even more casual connection, is how much of it I heard between mom and dad late at night.

It's probably kind of late to learn too much improvement in the intimate relationship side. And, as I've said before, it's "safer" being single.

Besides no worries about argumentation or yelling, there's no worried about being controlled or guilt tripped. Nor any eggshell feelings that I might be doing those things accidentally myself. And, sexuality issues aren't a worry, either. Yes, I still have hormones, but, should those hormones get satisfied again, I'd be more comfortable with them being satisfied in a less confining? tense? challenging? situation.

Add in a family disposition to anxiety (albeit not nearly as bad as Atlantic editor Scott Stossel's gut-wrenching affliction), and being single is safer.

I'd just like to get to a job/career situation, and location, where I'm ready to settle down, and get a dog. Sorry, not a cat. Beyond mild allergies to cats? They're too independent-minded, and don't have deep brown doggy eyes.

Emotions - the iron mask, part 1

THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK PART I

I hate myself,

I tell myself at times,

But do I really?

I hate who I am,

I hate some of who I’ve become,

That much is true.

I feel a failure,

Lazy, weak, spineless, empty

A faker, to boot.

No adult inside;

Rather, a 16-year-old

Who’s not yet grown up.

And doesn’t want to be

So he says, “Leave me alone,”

Even to his ego-self.

He hates adult life;

Duties, decisions, stances,

And hates even more

Missed teenage life,

No wild oats sown, no fearless fun,

No adventurousness.

No bits of playboy

For the man in the iron mask

Of caged emotions.

Of course he’s angry

And angry beyond that, too

For all those reasons.

And now? He’s at

His emotional break point

Sans guarantees.

In the iron mask.

April 28, 2012

Here’s a couple of great asexuality resources

New Scientist has a very friendly article on asexuality. From it, I found this informative forum.