Mix of depression, anxiety, and frustration / anger

Hello, follower friend and any others who read this.

This is updating my "mini-depression" previous post.

It's more than that.

It's the PTSD anxiety about being trapped.

And, more than that, it is frustration that is becoming outright anger.

First? Just one Facebook friend or friend of friends has looked at my LinkedIn profile since I posted it a week ago. And that was my brother-in-law.

My sis has long offered to help, and a decade ago, when I felt more depressed than this and less inured to this level of depression, even came to visit me a few days. But, she has enough on her hands now, among other things, and I've learned to otherwise lower expectations.

This also confirms the limits of networking, IMO.

Since I've gotten into the newspaper biz, every job I've gotten has been primarily, if not entirely, my own effort. Two cases where I had some assistance, that assistance was in the form of pointing out an ad for the opening. The third? It was a friend of a friend, but that also includes a bait-and-switch from the allegedly available job to the actually offered one.

So, from what I see, networking is pretty much bullshit.

If you want to try to prove me wrong, don't "talk." Help me get a job better than what I have now.

Second, the person hired to be managing editor at my current newspaper is less skilled than me and less experienced than me. The only two reasons she likely was hired was being native to this city and, with freelance work running slim, she could be lowballed, if that happened.

Third? A good non-newspaper job for which I am skilled, a university position back where I lived before and missed its previous opening? Hasn't called back in eight days to talk about interview appointments. I assume, whether for ageism, non-locality, or whatever, it's going to screw me.

Fourth, and originally forgotten? The last couple of times I've dropped hints in Lifering's email lists ... nobody's picked up on them.

so

FUCK YOU WORLD!!!!!!!!

oh, and

BITE ME, WORLD

oh, and an hour later, another

FUCK YOU.

Mini-depression coming on?

I don't feel the same degree of anxiety as I did in 2007, but otherwise, feel kind of close to the point I was the last time I went on anti-depressants. And, I don't want to do that. I asked for an older one, a tricyclic, as well as an SSRI, having heard of brain zaps. Turned out that, in part probably due to not tapering enough, had more brain zaps from the old Elavil than from the Lexapro. (I was on a bigger dose of Lexapro, too.)

I've had a lot of work-related stressors in the last six months, even more than a decade ago. I've adjusted better so far, though not perfectly.
1. Laid off
2. Get new job but have to move for it
3. Company gets sold (good for getting health ins., not so good overall in other ways)
4. New editor as a result of that.

More later ... I want to hit the hay.