Appearances of control, lack of control

“Control” is a huge issue in recovery, above all for sexual abuse survivors. I’ve seen many survivors, once they start to recognize their histories, talk about how much they attempted to be in “control.”

For me, I believe dissociation was “control” by other means. I simply shrank my world enough to have a slice I thought I could control.

But, both I and they were deceiving ourselves.

With full-blown “control” efforts, the energy one needs to invest, in ever-increasing quantities, becomes prohibitive, short of a nervous breakdown.

And, short of dissociative identity disorder (formerly called “multiple personality disorder”), the same is true for dissociation efforts, I believe.