Conditional-love parenting doesn’t work, Dr. Phil

Showing Dr. Phil and others, who oppose Carl Rogers’ ideas, quite wrong, studies show that conditional-love parenting produces, in essence, conditional self-esteem in children.

I think there’s a lot to this story.

This ties directly to some of the work of Nathaniel Branden, father of the self-esteem movement. (The movement behind things like Character Counts, ultimately, and NOT the father of the false self-esteem movement of never confronting a child and giving everybody in class an A.)

This should also have implications for teachers, especially in younger grades.

And, to the degree support on the job, etc., can be more unconditional vs. less unconditional, I daresay it has connections to management, etc.

Emotional dissonance

We hear so much talk in the modern world about "cognitive dissonance," where you're sure such-and-such is the case/fact/answer but society/peer group/family or whomever work to change mind.

Well, why don't we hear more about the parallel, "emotional dissonance"?

Especially in families, how often is the phrase, "You wouldn't really feel that way if..." - or something similar - used?

And, how often have people been tempted to drink/use, or actually did so in the past, over such "emotional dissonance"?

I may throw out more thoughts on this in days and weeks ahead; I'd like to hear from others.


For some of us, emotional dissonance, perhaps along with cognitive dissonance, may have begun in childhood. (Tim, the dissonance comes from analogy with music; the "outside" will "tell" you or me to think or feel one way when you know that's not what you actually think or feel; two different beliefs feelings, in dissonance.)

Personal experience: Being upset, and dad saying, "I'll give you something to cry about." Or, on both cognitive and emotional sides, the minister father telling me (pre-teen, still very "concrete" thinker) to lie for him on the phone, even if an adult lie.

Then, particularly here in America, you have a society that strives for forced happy endings, and sweeps unhappy ones under the rug, like the high school football player paralyzed in practice who does NOT walk again.

And, perhaps that's another deal with "the other sobriety guys": their "promises" of things such as the claim that fear of economic uncertainly will leave us. Like other such emotionally-pushed belief systems, it sets one up for dissonance. What if I still have that fear? Then, can I no longer be "happy, joyous and free"? Beyond still being fearful, should I be guilt-tripping?

Frankly, beyond addiction and sobriety, I wonder if this isn't part of the reason for the increase of depression and anxiety in the modern world.

The placebo effect strengthens

Some would-be new antidepressants can't get to market because they can't pass
clinical trials. They can't pass clinical trials because the placebo effect is
getting stronger.

No, it's not less effective drugs, and it's not just anti-Ds or anxiety drugs,
either. Non-psychotropics are having the same problem in a few instances, and
it's clear that, yes, the placebo effect is getting stronger.

And, that it varies in different parts of the U.S., and in different parts of
the world. And, that beyond just being given a pill, things like pill dosage
frequency and even COLOR of the pill are causative factors.

The full story is here.

Resilience vs (?) dissociation

Well, it is now two weeks since I moved to Odessa, Texas, 350 miles west from Dallas, to take a job on the copy desk of the Odessa American, a seven-day daily.

The political atmosphere here is not my cup of tea, and, if I had had to move out here, I wish at least it would be on the Midland side, with a touch more in the way of culture, shopping, etc. But, it's not.

I got a congratulations today on my one sobriety e-mail list about my resilience.

Is it resilience, or a side effect/flip side of the coin "gift" of dissociation, at least in part? I think it's the latter, as I still feel like I sleepwalk through life at times, and this is one of them.

Yes, this "resilience" by another name may be helping me right now. But, its original cause wasn't worth the price; even without that original cause, being this dissociative probably isn't worth it, overall.

That said, at least it's not the dissociation level of a decade ago.