Death, life, memories, changes and contingencies

Right now, I'm kind of angry at American hypercapitalism, the continuing decline of the American newspaper business, and the backwardness of America with no official national vacation policy and, in general, much less vacation than other civilized countries.

I've long been politically, and professionally, angry about this. But now, it's personal.

I just found out my sister-in-law died early this morning. Brenda had inoperable cancer ... well, inoperable after previous operations, radiation and chemo had all been tried. By this spring, she and Tim knew that, barring a "miracle," it was a matter of time — likely a year.

Before she got too sick, with the help of a crowdfunder, the two of them went to Florida, to the beaches, Disney World and more. I'm glad they had that last time together.

I may have known Brenda, growing up, before Tim did. At any rate, it was probably at about the same time. She was two grades ahead of me, and two grades behind Tim, in high school. Before I moved away from New Mexico with my dad, I had her in my PE class when I was a sophomore, along with her sister. About that same time, near the end of that school year, the two of them started going out. A little over two years later, they got married.

I remember learning the tip of the iceberg already at that time over the pettiness of divorced parents (mine — Brenda's mom was a widow) as to whether the two of them were "suitable" (as in, Brenda might not be), whether one or both were too long, both mom and dad "projecting" some of their thoughts onto the other and more. As I got older and older, I learned more and more, especially about dad's attitudes. And, was less and less surprised, the more and more I learned, sadly.

Josh and Jason were my first nephews. As they grew, they were in some ways alike, others hugely different. Why, I don't know. I know that Tim and Brenda didn't, either.

This April, I took off a whole two-and-a-half days ... first time I'd had more than two weekdays off in 3.5 years. Maybe I should have burned the whole third day, and flown out to New Mexico rather than driving out to the Texas Panhandle.

I thought there would be more "later" time, and I wanted some "me" time as soon as possible.

And, now she's gone.

I've already gotten OK for taking off the second week in August, as I prepare to  move to a new job. If they have an official memorial, I'll be there for that. If not, I'll just be there.

Funerals, and memorials, are for the living. Unfortunately, I didn't see Brenda one last time while she was still in the living.

And, everybody in the family knows I'm some type of non-believer, even if they don't know the full details, anyway

So, if funerals are for the living, my mourning is better done alone, at least to start. And start I have.

I think this has also brought other families, with this being the 10-year anniversary of my dad's death, to mind, too.