A hot and prickly sensation, like hot flashes, that for me often start in the calves or feet. However, it may start in either the lower back or back of my neck. From any of these places, the feeling can migrate to my thighs/hamstrings, forearms, face or upper back, or all of the above.
If not hot flashes, another way to describe it would be like being pricked all over the place by an allergy skin-test pricker.
Most often, these days, it’s provoked by a scenario I posted below, worrying that I will wind up getting “stuck” in this small town, humid, conservative bit of southeast Texas, in a job that simply doesn’t come close to challenging me.
Thinking about fighting boredom, whether at home on weekends or as a result of a slow day at a small office with nobody in here having a thing in the way of common chit-chat interests with me, by surfing the Internet for, well, things besides news stories. Then, becoming more anxious over trying to “fight” the web porn urge. Then, when I give in, becoming more anxious yet, usually with a nice dose of shame on top of that.
Anxiety now plays out as several different types of shame here: Shame about this particular type of behavior; shame about still in some ways perceiving sexuality as “dirty”; perhaps shame that I don’t have “a real relationship”; shame about weakness at not having more self-control.
Anxiety then may increase with worries that I’ll become “stuck” in this type of behavior, “stuck” in the lack of a relationship, etc.
Anxiety is playing out at my new intern counselor, too. Yesterday, I felt I was on fire, the hot flash sensation was so strong. It was accompanied by breathing so shallow as to be halfway to hyperventilating, and lightheadedness when I stood up.
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