Anxious about anxiety, thinking about thinking

A slow, languorous night, as I try to relax

From a long day before,

And enjoy life

A little bit more of a day, or a moment

At a time.

While knowing that the ability to

Not think too much, too often

Sometimes might be a blessing.

However, I know it could only be such

For me,

If I had never learned to think “too much”

In the first place.

The problem is not “thinking too much.”

Rather, it’s not having support for thinking a lot

Or for having feedback on thinking a lot.

Or for having parents who valued thinking

And offered support for facing anything

That it might raise up.

No, the problem is

Being anxious about thinking, then

Being anxious about anxiety.

If I can just remember this,

Just remember on a daily basis

For about 20 more years,

I might be OK then.

Or a better semblance of OK than now.

Reparenting myself

Through thinking, growing and anxiety,

Starts again.