Thursday, January 9, 2014

Feeling empty, feeling scared, feeling a fraud

The "fraud" part? About a month ago, a woman came in our office. A customer. Used the n-word before she left. I said nothing. Yes, it was in part shock. But, I had recovered before she walked out the door. And I said nothing.

The scared? Ad sales at the two small newspapers are struggling this month. National trade mags predict total newspaper ad sales will drop 8 percent this year. That, presumably includes allowances for election ads. And, for the few newspapers holding their own or growing because of oil boom growth or other things, a few others will thus have drops of more than 8 percent.

When the Saturday Waco paper is normally just 20 percent ads, you know it's not just me, and it's not just Loren. It's this area. But, that will be called an excuse.

Feeling empty? No, I don't feel I can talk to my district boss about this. Nor any family, for various reasons. Certainly not the other two people in the office.

This isn't meant to be playing the martyr, hand to back of head. It just is what it is.

The 50s are starting out to be a wonderful decade of aging.

I recently journaled that I sometimes feel like someone whose shit does indeed stink, and stinks very much, in relations to other people. That they know that, that I should know why, but that I'm somehow missing a clue while they're laughing at me.

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